New Developments

Kim, you inspired me.

I'm in.

Blogging is a happening.

Just a catch up...

Reading: Radical by David Platt and Luke

Watching: Lots of The West Wing! Man, I love that show!

Spending my time: Working, working, working. More than working, though, I'm just thinking about this new life growing inside of me. I can't believe she will be here in a few months! The thoughts and feelings I have deserve their own post so I won't try to convey these things.

I hope I can keep this blogging thing up. I have some exciting things coming up and I can't wait to share all that is happening!

Mother's Day

I'm posting this a day late but I need to get something off my chest. Yesterday was Mother's Day and it was different than any Mother's Day I've ever celebrated before. Every other year I've been eager to celebrate the ladies in my life who have been "Mother" to me in some way or another but yesterday was the first time I thought of all the women who hurt on Mother's Day. Hurt because they can't be a mother or who have lost their mother or who are estranged from their mother, etc. I don't want to be a downer on a day that is sweetly celebrated for many. Really, I don't. Yesterday, though, I struggled with the fact that I lost two pregnancies this year and couldn't celebrate being a mom. Next year, maybe take the time to send a text or a say a sweet thing to a friend you know is not celebrating but grieving on that Sunday.

Everyday May

Oh my. I can't believe it's been since August that I blogged! I'm getting a late start but I am choosing to partake in this thing "Everyday May" blogging challenge. I do declare (said in my best impersonation of Michael Scott impersonating a southern detective) that I will blog everyday this month. Let it be so. What should I write about? Help me out!

How Sweet the Sound

I think grace is so beautiful. In his book, What's So Amazing About Grace?, Philip Yancey states that grace is the last truly good word left. I would agree. I've been witness to the impact of both grace and ungrace (which I'm sure isn't a word). If you think about it, nothing bad ever comes from a situation when grace is the victor. Grace isn't taught or practiced enough. In our society, if one feels injured by another, it is that person's right to hold it against the injuring party. The problem with that equation is that the injured party all of a sudden becomes as guilty as the one who initially injured them. The only way to change the outcome is to not engage in the hurt and sin the other party began. When I read in Hebrews 12 not to let any "seed of bitterness creep in", I take that to mean it's for my good not to engage in the cycle of bitterness and "ungrace". More than that, it brings God glory when I choose to love and chose to show grace. I suppose, for the believer, it is only that much more our duty to choose grace because we know grace is what saved us. Grace is what keeps us from being utterly worthless and disgusting in the eyes of our Father. In Ezekiel, God spoke about how it wasn't because Israel was anything to be desired that He chose them but quite the opposite. There was no question that it was by His unmerited favor that He decided to make an everlasting covenant. In the same way, we experience that unmerited favor daily from the Lord. Why wouldn't we show that kind of grace to others? It's not simple and it is not easy but it is beautiful. I've seen my family be torn a part because of the unwillingness to show grace. Pride and hurt feelings dictated the course of action which led to years of pain that we can never get back. Something unexpected happened about two years ago, though, a shift of sorts. My family started to choose grace and forgiveness. In the last two years, I have seen the most beautiful transformation take place. Everything changed! The heaviness in their voices changed to something loving and light. Even physically, changes started to take place! Lines started to disappear, laughter invaded the lips, light shone in the eyes, youthful innocence settled in to the places where hurt and pride previously resided. It was like a light all of a sudden came over them. Lets start living from a place of grace. The world needs us to be grace.

Summer

As much as I prefer Fall to Summer, I can't help but look forward to things like this:

If Summer has to come, I suppose these things will help me deal. :)

Love This

It's a Start

I have this huge desire to start a garden. It's a bit of a problem considering my hubs and I don't have any land to toil. Nonetheless, I've attempted to make the most of what I've been given and have started a collection of potted herbs. Thyme, sage, parsley, basil. Nothing fancy. Not complete but it's a start. IT'S A START. It took me awhile to visit the garden section and actually start my garden, as tiny as it may have to be for the time being. I hated the idea of only being able to get a couple of the plants. I wanted it all dang it! Right then! Gazing at the beautiful gardens online didn't help my motivation when I realized my potted plants would be living on our balcony in the middle of the city. My dream is to have a garden consisting of rosemary, basil, thyme, sage, parsley, tarragon, tomatoes, zucchini, squash, watermelon, strawberries, raspberries, blueberries, blackberries, grapes, garlic, peppers, lemons, oranges, cherries, avocados, lettuce, cabbage, and cilantro. I have no doubt that list will grow but as for now that list is my dream garden. My real garden is four edible herbs planted with organic soil in two terracotta pots. The dream garden seems like a possibility now that I've stepped out and STARTED my garden.

I can't believe I'm using a garden as a life metaphor as that seems all too cheesy for my coolness but I can't help myself. I have spent far too much of my time dreaming up things for my life of what I wanted to do, who I wanted to be, where I wanted to go, etc. and not doing a whole lot of pursuing. I'm not saying dreaming is bad! Oh no no no no no. If you know me, you know I'm a dreamer. It's like this force within me. Give me five minutes by myself and I will have planned out 18 different places to live, 34 possible careers, and 180 different ministries to be a part of. The problem is that dreaming can be paralyzing. It's safe. It's easy. You can inevitably forgive yourself for not pursuing Dream A because you can just move on to the next Dream B. Dream B eventually gets replaced until all of a sudden you're looking at Dream Q.

I'm learning that I need to start somewhere. So, for now, I'm starting with two potted plants. I'm starting with three guinea pigs. I'm starting with keeping 720 sq. ft. of home in order. I'm starting with reading, praying, journaling regularly. I'm starting where I'm at and putting one foot in front of the other. The dreams I have don't seem so daunting when I take the little steps to get there.