Resolutions for 2013

And so it is fast approaching! 2013! I usually don't make resolutions for the coming new year. I don't like it. It's always the same. Eat healthier. Exercise everyday. Read more. Pray more. More. More. More. Blah. I'm over it. Honestly, the thought of New Year resolutions kind of stress me out so this year, mostly because I am trying to add more to my life, and lets be honest with a baby crawling everywhere and a new one of the way adding things to my life is quite possibly the last thing I need for this here 2013. So here's to a new perspective, a new way for 2013.

I want to cut back on Facebook.

I would like to read books that I know will fill me with inspiration. Inspiration to be a better wife, mom, Christ-follower, creative, etc.

I want to be in more pictures with my daughter.

I want to embrace my post-baby-not-quite-toned-but-my-daughter-is-nourished-by-it body hence the forcing myself to be in more pictures.

I would like to purge. Unnecessary stuff in our home that we don't love or need, I would like to give it away to others who might love it or find it useful.

I would like to be more bold.

I would like to cuss less.

There are more, I'm sure, but for now, this is my goal list. Hope you have a great year!

For Raj On Father's Day

Happy Father's Day, Daddy! I hope Mom's okay with me hijacking her blog today. I couldn't help it so have my back when she asks about it, k? I just needed to tell as many people as possible that you are the best daddy a girl could ask for. Here are just a few reasons why I love you:

#1. You get SO excited every time you see me which in turn makes me so excited about everything! I can't help but smile and giggle when I see you because you make me feel like the most important baby in the world. 

#2. You give the best kisses and snuggles! Every night when you kiss me goodnight I relax and get so calm because I got my goodnight kiss from you. 

#3. You pray for me every night. I love this so much! I get to hear you talk with Jesus and He sounds like the best friend a girl could have. I can't wait to talk to Him with you when I'm older! 

#4. You tell me I'm funny/beautiful/smart/crazy/hilarious. I love that you talk to me so much. I end up talking to you because it's just so much fun! 

#5. Mommy told me that you were in the hospital room with me when they were checking my awesomeness. I love that you were there with me during my first hours. What a day I was having! And there you were with your hand resting on my chest to help keep me calm. Thanks for that. 

#6. You praise every little thing I do. Be it rolling over or babbling or smiling or sleeping or giggling. You just think I'm brilliant and for that I love you. 

#7. You love Mommy so much. I see it every day with the way you talk to her and bring her coffee. You are setting the standard pretty high but don't worry. I don't think there is anyone as great as you so I'm just going to stay with you and Mommy forever. That's okay, right?

#8. You introduce me to great music. Of Monsters and Men is now memorized. I feel part Icelandic because of this.

#9. Your hands are so strong and work so much but when you hold me you let me play with them and use them for a chew toy. I appreciate that. 

#10. You love Jesus. I hear you talk about Him a lot and I know that you are going to introduce me to Him someday. I can't wait! 

Love you Daddy! Happy Father's Day!

Please don't be hurt by my expression. I was still getting used to your beard!

Mommy said you picked out the hat. Good choice! 

My Favorite Products

Time to get real here. Having a baby has wreaked havoc on my body. Skin has been stretched. Muscles have been moved. Hair has fallen out. Hormones have made dry patches. Sleep deprivation created dark circles. With about ten pounds to go until I reach my pre-baby weight, things that were once tight are...well...not so tight these days. Thankfully, I have found some products that have made the transition a little easier.

#1. Suave Dry Shampoo. I have always had oily hair. Since Charlotte was born I'm lucky to get a shower every three days nowadays. Add those two things together and you get an a very scary sight. Dry shampoo has  helped my hair last until the next shower. It's also great to use on clean hair as it adds some extra texture and volume.

#2. Trader Joe's Nourishing Facial Cleanser and Moisturizer. The face wash is gentle enough to use on my now dry/combination/confused skin. It cleans without drying out and seems to just balance my skin. The moisturizer adds just enough protection and SPF. Thank you Trader Joe's!

#3. E.L.F. Concealer and Highlighter. This $3.00 product is probably my favorite product! It hides my under eye circles and that is no small feat. It comes in with a wand so it's really easy to apply. It's so quick and that is something I value these days.

#4. Old Navy Vintage Crew Neck T-Shirts. These shirts are modest without being frumpy. Everything these days feels too clingy so these shirts have been a lifesaver!

#5. Covergirl Simply Matte Powder Foundation. When my skin decides to go berserk this little gem keeps the oil away. It's love, my friends. Love.

Thank You

It's Mother's Day and there are two women in my life I need to honor on this here blog. You see, I had the privilege of having two ladies in my life. Before you think it's about to get Ellen in here let me clarify. I have my mom and I have my aunt, my mom's sister. So, here it goes.

Mom,
Thank you for carrying me and going through the pain of child birth. From the stories I've heard, I wasn't the easiest baby. I cried a lot. Thank you for holding me when I was a needy baby. Thank you for changing my diapers, bathing me, and loving me. Since becoming a mom myself, I'm starting to realize the sacrifice it takes to put your child's needs above your own. Thank you for introducing me to good music. Thank you for loving animals and in turn making me an animal lover. Thank you for giving me a brother and a sister. Thank you for being a woman of humility. You aren't afraid to admit when you made mistakes. You also aren't afraid to change the course of your life no matter how much time passed. You are a great example of a life changed and grown. Thank you for having a soft heart. You have helped shape me in ways I'm still discovering. Thank you for taking the long drive to Utah to make it in time for Charlotte's arrival. Thank you for loving Charlotte. I know she is so blessed to have you as her grandma. I could go on but I will make it short and sweet. I love you, Mom! Happy Mother's Day!

Aunt Lori,
Thank you for bringing me in to your home. Having two kids of your own, I don't know how you did it. You made me feel so loved and wanted in your home. You let it be my home and for that I am forever grateful. Thank you for pushing me. Thank you for believing in me even when I didn't believe in myself. I didn't think I could swim. You cheered me on at every. single. race. Thank you for spending a ton of money for me to be in club water polo. You didn't have to, but you did. I'm just now starting to see all the extra time, money, energy, and heart you put in to my upbringing when you didn't have to but you did. Your selflessness is a thing of rare beauty. Thank you for being excited for my first formal dance. Thank you for being "Aunt Lori" to all my friends. I'm pretty sure they still all refer to you that way. Thank you for Hawaii, allowing 30 of my friends to eat at our place before Winter Formal, helping me get my first job, setting up my first checking account, knowing how to clean and cook, helping me get to college. Thank you for my wedding. Thank you for being Charlotte's "Grauntie". She is so blessed to have you in her life. The list in exhaustive (and I mean, EXHAUSTIVE!) in terms of what you did and were for me so I will stop. Happy Mother's Day to my awesome Aunt Lori! I love you!

I hope both of you had a beautiful day being celebrated. God has used you both in unique ways to mold and shape me in the person today and for that I am grateful. Happy Mother's Day.

Mom, Me, and Aunt Lori at my baby shower last November

Uninspired

I don't feel like I have anything to write about today. I am feeling tired, so instead of writing I will rest. That's what weekends are for, right? Blessings to you.

Humility

"To be a Christian is to be an imitator of Jesus. In what can we imitate him if not in his humiliation? Nothing else can bring us near to him. We may adore him as omnipotent, fear him as just, love him with all our heart as good and merciful, but we can only imitate him as humble, submissive, poor, and despised. Let us not imagine we can do this by our own efforts. Everything in us is opposed to it; but we may rejoice that God is present within us.

O lovely Jesus! You suffered so many injuries and reproaches for my sake. Let me cherish and love them for your sake, and help me desire to share your life of humiliation."

-Francois Fenelon Talking With God


I was really convicted by this reading a couple days ago. Adoring, fearing, and loving Jesus are all good things. It should happen if you call yourself a Christian. I think I have stopped there sometimes, though, and it has not produced the fruit I would like in my life. It conjures up good feelings. It makes me feel good and fuzzy and in love with Jesus. Again, not bad things at all! But when you stop there and let go of the truth of His words that we will suffer if we follow Him we make an idol of the emotional byproduct of knowing Jesus. Instead of humbling myself, I stop when I get the fuzzies, and that isn't what He had in mind when He was suffering on our behalf.

So I try to humble myself. I fail. I try again. I fail. I keep "doing"  this until I realize that I'm still not getting it. Thinking I can humble myself with my own strength is pride hidden. The opposite of humility. So I just lower head. Pray for grace and the eyes of my Savior.

Sanctification and Pee

Charlotte woke up a total of 5 times last night. One of those times, I felt her and realized she had soaked through her onesie, sleeper, and swaddle blanket. So, at 3am I was doing a full on change which woke her up. She then decided (against my objections) that it was time to play, so we were up for about an hour together. As tired as I am today (and as much as I look forward to a full nights sleep again) I am realizing more and more that God gave me Charlotte not because He knew it would make me happy,  but because He knew it would sanctify me. He knew I would cling to Jesus more because, man, it's tough. Sacrifice of comfort is the name of the game when it comes to raising a child and I'm fairly certain I haven't even gotten to the tough parts yet. Sacrifice is not something I am used to. Sure, marriage had been a lesson of sacrifice but I have a husband who puts me to shame when it comes to love and being a blessing. It's not that hard which makes me think I don't sacrifice too much in that relationship because we are there for one another so much. It's not that hard when your husband is amazing.

Being woken up in the middle of the night to put a pacifier back in is hard sometimes. Being spit up on right after you showered (for the first time in days!) is hard almost all the time. Having your food go cold because your baby woke up (again) is hard. All of that is hard but really, it's nothing compared to the internal stuff. It's acknowledging the fact that all of that stuff is hard because I put myself first. I'm selfish. I want to be comfortable. I don't welcome hard things. I lack discipline. I lack. I lack. And I lack some more. I can't muster up the smiles or joy or compassion on my own. Not because I don't love my daughter. I do. More than I could have possibly imagined. We're talking God-given love that is so beautiful it hurts sometimes. That's the crazy part to me. I mean, I LOVE Charlotte so much yet I still can't display that love for her in my actions all the time. I fail. I get frustrated. I have never been more aware of my sin and the effect it has on another. And it sucks.

But this is when my lacking and my sin meet Christ. I don't stay there. I can't. He has called me to walk in the newness of life. So I do. Every day I am making tiny steps for me, for my husband, for my daughter, and ultimately for the glory of Christ, towards holiness. Sanctification is the actual hard part. Not sleep deprivation. And I'm thankful for it.