My Favorite Products

Time to get real here. Having a baby has wreaked havoc on my body. Skin has been stretched. Muscles have been moved. Hair has fallen out. Hormones have made dry patches. Sleep deprivation created dark circles. With about ten pounds to go until I reach my pre-baby weight, things that were once tight are...well...not so tight these days. Thankfully, I have found some products that have made the transition a little easier.

#1. Suave Dry Shampoo. I have always had oily hair. Since Charlotte was born I'm lucky to get a shower every three days nowadays. Add those two things together and you get an a very scary sight. Dry shampoo has  helped my hair last until the next shower. It's also great to use on clean hair as it adds some extra texture and volume.

#2. Trader Joe's Nourishing Facial Cleanser and Moisturizer. The face wash is gentle enough to use on my now dry/combination/confused skin. It cleans without drying out and seems to just balance my skin. The moisturizer adds just enough protection and SPF. Thank you Trader Joe's!

#3. E.L.F. Concealer and Highlighter. This $3.00 product is probably my favorite product! It hides my under eye circles and that is no small feat. It comes in with a wand so it's really easy to apply. It's so quick and that is something I value these days.

#4. Old Navy Vintage Crew Neck T-Shirts. These shirts are modest without being frumpy. Everything these days feels too clingy so these shirts have been a lifesaver!

#5. Covergirl Simply Matte Powder Foundation. When my skin decides to go berserk this little gem keeps the oil away. It's love, my friends. Love.

Thank You

It's Mother's Day and there are two women in my life I need to honor on this here blog. You see, I had the privilege of having two ladies in my life. Before you think it's about to get Ellen in here let me clarify. I have my mom and I have my aunt, my mom's sister. So, here it goes.

Mom,
Thank you for carrying me and going through the pain of child birth. From the stories I've heard, I wasn't the easiest baby. I cried a lot. Thank you for holding me when I was a needy baby. Thank you for changing my diapers, bathing me, and loving me. Since becoming a mom myself, I'm starting to realize the sacrifice it takes to put your child's needs above your own. Thank you for introducing me to good music. Thank you for loving animals and in turn making me an animal lover. Thank you for giving me a brother and a sister. Thank you for being a woman of humility. You aren't afraid to admit when you made mistakes. You also aren't afraid to change the course of your life no matter how much time passed. You are a great example of a life changed and grown. Thank you for having a soft heart. You have helped shape me in ways I'm still discovering. Thank you for taking the long drive to Utah to make it in time for Charlotte's arrival. Thank you for loving Charlotte. I know she is so blessed to have you as her grandma. I could go on but I will make it short and sweet. I love you, Mom! Happy Mother's Day!

Aunt Lori,
Thank you for bringing me in to your home. Having two kids of your own, I don't know how you did it. You made me feel so loved and wanted in your home. You let it be my home and for that I am forever grateful. Thank you for pushing me. Thank you for believing in me even when I didn't believe in myself. I didn't think I could swim. You cheered me on at every. single. race. Thank you for spending a ton of money for me to be in club water polo. You didn't have to, but you did. I'm just now starting to see all the extra time, money, energy, and heart you put in to my upbringing when you didn't have to but you did. Your selflessness is a thing of rare beauty. Thank you for being excited for my first formal dance. Thank you for being "Aunt Lori" to all my friends. I'm pretty sure they still all refer to you that way. Thank you for Hawaii, allowing 30 of my friends to eat at our place before Winter Formal, helping me get my first job, setting up my first checking account, knowing how to clean and cook, helping me get to college. Thank you for my wedding. Thank you for being Charlotte's "Grauntie". She is so blessed to have you in her life. The list in exhaustive (and I mean, EXHAUSTIVE!) in terms of what you did and were for me so I will stop. Happy Mother's Day to my awesome Aunt Lori! I love you!

I hope both of you had a beautiful day being celebrated. God has used you both in unique ways to mold and shape me in the person today and for that I am grateful. Happy Mother's Day.

Mom, Me, and Aunt Lori at my baby shower last November

Uninspired

I don't feel like I have anything to write about today. I am feeling tired, so instead of writing I will rest. That's what weekends are for, right? Blessings to you.

Humility

"To be a Christian is to be an imitator of Jesus. In what can we imitate him if not in his humiliation? Nothing else can bring us near to him. We may adore him as omnipotent, fear him as just, love him with all our heart as good and merciful, but we can only imitate him as humble, submissive, poor, and despised. Let us not imagine we can do this by our own efforts. Everything in us is opposed to it; but we may rejoice that God is present within us.

O lovely Jesus! You suffered so many injuries and reproaches for my sake. Let me cherish and love them for your sake, and help me desire to share your life of humiliation."

-Francois Fenelon Talking With God


I was really convicted by this reading a couple days ago. Adoring, fearing, and loving Jesus are all good things. It should happen if you call yourself a Christian. I think I have stopped there sometimes, though, and it has not produced the fruit I would like in my life. It conjures up good feelings. It makes me feel good and fuzzy and in love with Jesus. Again, not bad things at all! But when you stop there and let go of the truth of His words that we will suffer if we follow Him we make an idol of the emotional byproduct of knowing Jesus. Instead of humbling myself, I stop when I get the fuzzies, and that isn't what He had in mind when He was suffering on our behalf.

So I try to humble myself. I fail. I try again. I fail. I keep "doing"  this until I realize that I'm still not getting it. Thinking I can humble myself with my own strength is pride hidden. The opposite of humility. So I just lower head. Pray for grace and the eyes of my Savior.

Sanctification and Pee

Charlotte woke up a total of 5 times last night. One of those times, I felt her and realized she had soaked through her onesie, sleeper, and swaddle blanket. So, at 3am I was doing a full on change which woke her up. She then decided (against my objections) that it was time to play, so we were up for about an hour together. As tired as I am today (and as much as I look forward to a full nights sleep again) I am realizing more and more that God gave me Charlotte not because He knew it would make me happy,  but because He knew it would sanctify me. He knew I would cling to Jesus more because, man, it's tough. Sacrifice of comfort is the name of the game when it comes to raising a child and I'm fairly certain I haven't even gotten to the tough parts yet. Sacrifice is not something I am used to. Sure, marriage had been a lesson of sacrifice but I have a husband who puts me to shame when it comes to love and being a blessing. It's not that hard which makes me think I don't sacrifice too much in that relationship because we are there for one another so much. It's not that hard when your husband is amazing.

Being woken up in the middle of the night to put a pacifier back in is hard sometimes. Being spit up on right after you showered (for the first time in days!) is hard almost all the time. Having your food go cold because your baby woke up (again) is hard. All of that is hard but really, it's nothing compared to the internal stuff. It's acknowledging the fact that all of that stuff is hard because I put myself first. I'm selfish. I want to be comfortable. I don't welcome hard things. I lack discipline. I lack. I lack. And I lack some more. I can't muster up the smiles or joy or compassion on my own. Not because I don't love my daughter. I do. More than I could have possibly imagined. We're talking God-given love that is so beautiful it hurts sometimes. That's the crazy part to me. I mean, I LOVE Charlotte so much yet I still can't display that love for her in my actions all the time. I fail. I get frustrated. I have never been more aware of my sin and the effect it has on another. And it sucks.

But this is when my lacking and my sin meet Christ. I don't stay there. I can't. He has called me to walk in the newness of life. So I do. Every day I am making tiny steps for me, for my husband, for my daughter, and ultimately for the glory of Christ, towards holiness. Sanctification is the actual hard part. Not sleep deprivation. And I'm thankful for it.

And So We Meet Again

Running shoes, I'm sorry I haven't used you in a awhile. Stop looking at me like that. Fine! More than awhile...more like a year. Are you happy now? You may have given up on me. Thinking I will never use you again. Well, think again! Tomorrow marks a new beginning to our relationship. You will be worked. You will be tired. Your soles may wear out. Your may get dirty. But know that your work is not futile. You will help me strengthen and tone whatever muscle I have left. I promise I will do my best to take care of you as you will be doing the same for me. We have a 9am date and I promise not to break it. Blogger is my witness.

Sincerely,
Your pathetic yet optimistic owner

Happy 3 Months Charlotte!

Charlotte is 3 months old today! I can't believe how quickly the time is passing! So far, Charlotte has learned to play/grab her toy, babble (a lot!), roll from tummy to back, smile a bunch, and laugh. She is a joy!

Taken earlier today! Happy 3 months sweet girl! :)

The Utah Experience

The hubs and I met for coffee with a mentor of ours this past week. He shared about a friend in Utah who was planting a church in a city well known for polygamy. For those of you who are reading and are unfamiliar with the Fundamentalist Church of Latter Day Saints (FLDS) you can read about them here. As we were talking, he was sharing how the elders of the church are marrying off young girls to men, performing the marriage ceremony in the girl's absence and later letting the girl's father know that she was married the night before. The girl then has no choice and is given over to her "husband" and is rarely seen from again by her family.She is a slave. He also shared how the leader of the group has forbidden sexual relationships between a husband and wife unless it is for procreation purposes. The only way they would be able to enforce such a ridiculous law they would, of course,have to witness any sexual intercourse that would take place. The elders watch. 

My stomach tightened as I heard him share about what was going on. These women (and by women, I mean girls who are in the age group, of say, Justin Beiber's fan club) are slaves. The young boys are being dropped off at the Arizona/Utah border in the middle of the night because there aren't enough girls to go around. Husbands and wives have to perform for an audience in the name "doing the will of the Prophet". This isn't happening in a third world country with ancient customs. This is happening in our back yard. 

My heart has been heavy since hearing these things. It's not the first time I heard stories like this. It isn't uncommon to see a polygamist family every now and then here. There are shows that try to downplay the rape, incest, and slavery that takes place within the walls of many of these homes. Some people try to protest laws that outlaw polygamy because it's messing with their rights. To that I say protest on behalf of the women and children who are trapped and stop making this a political debate. Sometimes it feels like I live in a bubble because before I moved to Utah, I didn't think much about the news reports when the raid happened at their compound. I didn't hear much about it to be honest but that all changed when we heard the stories here. If this is the first time you are reading about this, I ask that you inform yourself about what is going on. I also ask that you pray. Pray for those that are trapped. Pray for those that are brave enough to escape. Pray for those on the front lines who are putting themselves in danger by helping the escapees rebuild their lives. Pray that this might end. 

Overlooking the city at Ensign Peak last year

Weekly Update

I don't have a lot of time to blog today. I will just write a couple things that are happening/have happened this week!

-Charlotte learned to laugh! Oh my, I don't think there is a cuter sound!
-Raj has been sick the last couple days. Not fun.
-I'm re-reading Francois Fenelon's Talking With God and it has been so refreshing!
-I also started to read Romans again. Sadly, it's been awhile since I've been reading my Bible on a consistent schedule but I'm thankful that I have started back up again! It's amazing how quickly your heart starts to soften when God's Word is read.
-I wore my hair in what Raj called a "1940's-ish hair style" and received multiple compliments. Point taken. Do my hair more often. :)
-I've been listening to Sovereign Grace's All I Have is Christ on repeat for the past week.
-I'm just now recognizing how many things I put in front of my relationship with Jesus. Good, but convicting.
-I have been living in my new vintage style t-shirts from Old Navy. New mommies who need some extra soft, comfy, but cute shirts look no further! :)

That's all I have. Hope you have a great weekend!

Mother's Day Revisited

Dear Mother in Waiting,

I know this week is painful for you. For some of you, this week reminds you of a life lost, or maybe a life not yet had. And it hurts. Deeply. I want you to know that I am praying for you. I may not know you but I know you. I won't try to compare my situation to your's. I can't and I wouldn't try. May I say something to you, from one mother's heart to another mother's heart? Know that you are loved. Loved fiercely by God. He hears your cry. When you have nothing left to give but your tears He is there. In your midst. Singing over you. As His daughter, I can only imagine His feeling He has for you. People won't get it. They will be self-absorbed and forget about your pain. Just remember that your Father remembers. He always remembers. You are so loved. I hope and pray that brings some comfort if only for a moment. May He bless you and keep you this Mother's Day.

Sincerely,
Lindsey

May He Bless You

May God bless you with discomfort at easy answers, hard hearts, half-truths, and superficial relationships, so that you may live deep within your heart where God's Spirit dwells.

May God bless you with tears to shed for those who suffer from pain, rejection, starvation, and war, so that you may reach out your hand to comfort them and turn their pain into joy.

And may God bless you with enough foolishness to believe that you can make a difference in this world and in your neighborhood, so that you will courageously try what you don't think you can do, but in Jesus Christ you'll have the strength necessary to do.

May God bless you so that you remember we are all called to continue God's redemptive work of loving and healing in God's place, in and through God's name, in God's Spirit, continually creating and breathing new life and grace into everything and everyone we touch.

-Old Franciscan Blessing

My Gift

Charlotte Grace. Her name means free, undeserved gift. I don't think we could have chosen a more suitable name for our daughter. She became a daughter to two people who were grieving. Losing a pregnancy is never easy. Losing two is just about unbearable. I still remember the morning I found out I was pregnant with Charlotte. My calloused heart nearly cursed God because I was so sure I would lose her too. "Why are you doing this to me? Giving me these gifts only to take them away so quickly!!" I crawled back in to bed and told Raj we were pregnant again and the agony of waiting began. I wouldn't let myself be excited. Every time someone would offer their congratulations I would reply with a "We'll see". God's grace is too much because before I knew it we were seeing her on the ultrasound screen looking as healthy and God-created as ever. I was stunned. I had convinced myself we would lose her. We got in the car and started listening to Jesus Culture's "Your Love Never Fails" and it hit me how much I had put a wall up between my heart and God, and between myself and Charlotte. Tears began to fall and I knew God was speaking clearly to me that His love had never changed and I needed to trust Him. My pain became a barrier instead of a bridge to my heart. That may sound cheesy but it's the best metaphor I can conjure up. That was a year ago and now I type this with a Charlotte Grace sleeping in crib. Having her has been a healing for me. To have a constant reminder that she is not mine, but His. That she is a precious gift from a gracious and merciful Giver. That her very existence is not based on my ability but by the will of God alone. That my love for her is only a HINT of the love He has for His people. That He indeed can make beautiful things out of dust. That hardship is necessary to fully appreciate the good times. That His timing and His ways are PERFECT. That I do not deserve to hold her and call her my own but I do because God is an abundantly gracious God. He has used her life to push me closer to Christ and for that I am grateful.